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The global quest to finally prove Shaq's existence
Along with The Big Bang and finding the G-spot, the fate of the dinosaurs is one of mankind's greatest mysteries. There have been several theories thrown out throughout the years. Was it a meteor? A volcano? Were the dinosaurs actually invented by the Hollywood Jews in 1924 in order to give film producers new and exciting subject matter for their future films, eventually leading to the release of the incredibly successful, Jewish-directed blockbuster of "Jurassic Park"? All of these are plausible theories. However, my eyes have opened to a brand new perspective that has never occurred to me before. According to my uncle, a former scientist, the dinosaurs may have been eradicated by the Big Aristotle himself, Shaquille O'Neal. He told me that while watching television, he told me that he witnessed the great Shaquille using his furious dunking abilities against dinosaurs, specifically Raptors. Upon further investigation, I found a clip of what he was talking about, and the truth was right in front of me. Based on this evidence alone, we have sufficient information to prove that Shaq was the one who killed the dinosaurs. As for his motives, those are still unconfirmed. Perhaps he wanted to prove himself to be the superior being. Perhaps he was trying to protect this planet from the nationalist bigotry of the dinosaurs. Perhaps one day, we may finally learn his motive. Until then, thank you for reading, and always remember to Stay O'Woke.
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This is the painting uncovered by the local British man. It depicts Caesar’s [figure standing in the left-of-center] attempt to defeat the native Britons in a friendly game of basketball. If one looks closely, one can make out Shaq [upper left] slam dunking on the Britons. In mid-October 2017, a local British man reported that he had discovered a painting depicting the
great Shaquille O’Neal in what appeared to be an ancient British battle. We at “Shaq is Out There” immediately rushed from Helsinki (still in disbelief that Finland truly exists) to Dover, a city on the United Kingdom’s southern coast, where we got hold of this elegant work of art. The painting was carbon dated to the year 54 BCE, the same year in which Julius Caesar began his second attempt to invade Britain. This groundbreaking discovery has since challenged the conventional belief that Shaq played no role in ancient Roman military campaigns, and potentially sheds light on how Caesar could stage a more successful invasion of Britain. Julius Caesar, in the year 55 BCE, launched his first expedition into Britain. This initial incursion ended a few months later, with Caesar and his legions retreating to continental Europe with their tails between their legs. Caesar then spent the next year licking his wounds, and preparing for a second invasion of the island: Caesar increased the size of his army from roughly 8,000 men to roughly 27,000 men, and gained Gallic allies. The recent discovery by the local British man suggests that Caesar may have had a third weapon in his arsenal: Shaq. The newly discovered painting also suggests that the Romans might have challenged the native Britons to a friendly game of basketball. This, to be sure, was a rather foolish move on the part of the Romans, since the native Britons were known (and still are known) for their “mad B-ball skills.” In fact, in the year 60 BCE, the Great Britain All-Star Team defeated the Harlem Globetrotters 120-109 on an internationally televised game at Madison Square Garden. Caesar, Shaq, and the Romans, it seems, were not to be phased by the native Britons. Indeed, Sir Robert Wordsworth, a Caesar-Shaq conspiracy theorist, noted that Caesar had “an ‘I-don’t-give- a-fuck’ attitude with these things.” Shaq’s slam dunk on the ancient British soldiers, as depicted in the painting, appeared to be so mesmerizing that the native Britons surrendered to the Romans on the spot. Caesar subsequently disbanded the British tribal alliance that formed against him, and returned to Rome, declaring the invasion of Britain a success. This discovery was made in lieu of Dr. Jeanette Howard’s remarkable August 2017 finding suggesting that Shaq was a prominent mythological figure in the eastern frontiers of the Roman Empire. It is truly an exciting time to be a Roman-Shaq historian. As many of you Shaq Truthers may have noticed, this page has been inactive for quite some time. We apologize for failing to provide you all with the finest of Shaq news, and we wholeheartedly understand if most of you have abandoned our movement. For those of you reading this, we thank you for sticking around and remaining loyal to the most convincing conspiracy movement since the anti-vaxxers. We have a lot to share with you... Where Have We Been?In late September of 2017, we received a generous grant from the prestigious Trump University for $15K, which allowed us to embark on an international expedition in order to search for the great Shaquille first hand. We compiled a list of 253 reported Shaq sightings from our peers worldwide and narrowed the list all the way down to 251 credible reports. Our first stop on our journey brought us to the city of Helsinki in Finland, a country that surprisingly, despite the rumors, exists. We got a chance to sit down with Isto Sibelius, 92-year-old Helsinki resident and Finnish infantryman in WWII. Sibelius shared with us the story his miraculous survival that may have some supernatural reasoning behind it. "I was with three other infantrymen patrolling the forests of northern Belgium," Sibelius tells us, "when we were suddenly stopped in our tracks by a group of around two dozen Germans all with their guns pointed at us. We thought this was the end when suddenly the ground beneath us began to shake violently. Everyone looked around in confusion, but next thing we knew, a giant Reebok shoe descended upon the German soldiers and crushed them into a puddle of blood. We look up and see a giant man shush us as he walked away. No one ever believed us." Sibelius may claim that no one ever believed him, but that's where he was wrong. We at ShaqIsOutThere were able to obtain a never-before-seen photograph taken from a French plane patrolling the area in August of 1943. Our incredible journey took us to 138 countries worldwide as we got to experience many vibrant cultures and hear hundreds of tales of Shaq experiences (Shaxperiences). Stay tuned as we share our exciting discoveries to the world and inch our way to an exciting conclusion. We look forward to serving the Shaq Truther community once again. Thank you, The ShaqIsOutThere Staff In a shocking turn of events, historians from Duke University have made a bombshell discovery about our nation's very own Declaration of Independence. For decades, the Declaration of Independence has featured a large, empty space on the bottom left corner. It had been theorized that there was an additional signer to the document whose signature failed to stand the tests of time. After a thorough infrared scanning of the famed document, scientists were able to trace previous markings on the declaration, and using state-of-the-art rendering technology, they were able to determine that it spelled "SHAQ."
Although there were no historical reports of a giant basketball deity being present during the signings, it is safe to assume that his presence was legitimate, Our team looked into history much further, and made a shocking discovery hidden in plain sight in the background of the famed John Trumbull painting of that historical day. How could we be so foolish? In a recent archaeological uncovering, an international team of archaeologists were baffled to discover an ancient Roman mosaic hidden inside a secret room below Gallery B4. The room, which astonished archaeologist Dr. Jeannette Howard, was constructed in an immaculate Late Republican style that displays fine pieces of lapis lazuli and alabaster shipped from as far afield as Nubia. Until recently, it was assumed under standard Shaquillean Theory that Shaq had only played a minor part in Roman mythology but this new discovery, depicting him in a heroic pose akin to that usually reserved for Mars, suggests that his followers may have been nearly as numerous, at least in the frontier regions of the empire. From what can be interpreted thus far, Shaq’s presence is meant to imbue a sick dunk against a cowering opponent, much as fertility idols during the same period were meant to help women conceive. Shaq’s posture and front facing pose insure the viewer is confronted by the raw, intimidating power of his offensive abilities. For years, establishment historians have baselessly rejected the idea that Shaq could play such an integral and important part in many of the great ancient civilizations. For the first time however, those who had doubted SHAQ now doubt themselves. The TRUTH is out there and it waits to be discovered. What seemed to be just another average morning for Monique turned out to be much more than she bargained for. The 53-year-old Toledo woman was making herself breakfast when she made a shocking discovery within her slice of sourdough toast. Although it initially appeared to be nothing more than just burns created by the toaster, upon further investigation, it looked an awful lot like Shaquille O'Neal.
"I've never been a believer in any of this crap, but this has really woken me up," Monique tells us. Could it be purely coincidental, or a divine intervention from Shaq himself? We'll let you decide. A generic stock photo family is in complete disbelief over a possible Shaq sighting hidden within their tropical vacation photo. Although the picture is seemingly innocent, the generic family began to ask questions after looking in the background. "I think that is Shaq," the generic mother of two said when making the discovery. Skeptics questioned the family when looking at the photo, but here at ShaqIsOutThere, we decided to delve deep within the photo. The results will shock you. Here is the original copy of their family photo. In order to see it, we must zoom into the area of our focus. Don't see it? We must zoom in more. Still don't see it? Not to worry. Using state of the art As Seen on TV™ enhancement technology, we can reveal the truth behind this photo. As you can see here, it is clearly Shaq in this photo. Shocking. A groundbreaking discovery today has uncovered one of the secrets behind da Vinci's The Last Supper which has caught the attention of historians and religious leaders alike. A recent discovery of a buried version of the painting in some guy named Steve's backyard has led us to believe that Shaq was one of Christ's apostles. According to Steve, he uncovered the painting while digging up holes in his yard. He claims that the painting, which he discovered preserved on laminated printer paper, is over 500 years old. The Thirteenth Apostle theory is gaining quite a bit of traction, and it is safe to confirm its truth.
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